YOU'RE A KNIGHT FROM THE KINGDOM OF CUMALOT, ON YOUR FIRST QUEST TO SLAY A DRAGON. EVERYONE EXPECTS YOU TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU WERE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF KNIGHT SCHOOL. EVER SINCE THE FIRST DAY IN THE COMMUNAL BATH, YOU'D BEEN DUBBED “SIR BABYDICK”. NO ONE RESPECTED YOU - NOT EVEN THE FUCKING NERD, VIRGIN WIZARDS. THE MOST HUMILITATING PART WAS WHEN YOU DIDN'T GET A HORSE AT GRADUATION. YOU GOT A SHITTY LITTLE DONKEY INSTEAD. YOU SLOWLY RIDE INTO TOWN, PROUDLY CARRYING YOUR BANNER, DISPLAYING YOUR HOUSE SIGIL - THE FEARSOME AND MYTHICAL THREE-HEADED COCK HYDRA. THE TOWNSFOLK ARE ALREADY GATHERED, ANXIOUSLY AWAITING YOUR ARRIVAL. THEY SHARE THE TALE OF A VICIOUS BEAST THAT'S BEEN TORMENTING THEM FOR AS LONG AS THEY CAN RECALL. SHE HASN'T BEEN FUCKED IN HUNDREDS OF YEARS AND SHE'S TAKING CENTURIES' WORTH OF PENT-UP SEXUAL FRUSTRATION OUT ON THE VILLAGE. FIELDS OF CROPS HAVE BEEN SCORCHED. HOUSES HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY LEVELED. SHE'S EVEN BEEN NIBBLING THE DICKS OFF ALL THE HORSES. YOU EMBARK ON YOUR JOURNEY TO HER LAIR AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN - DEEP WITHIN A CAVE LOCALS CALL “THE DEVILS' ANUS”. YOUR LITTLE DICK SHRINKS EVEN SMALLER AS YOU APPROACH THE ENTRANCE. STRONG BURSTS OF HOT AIR MAKE IT HARD TO STAND. YOU'VE HEARD DRAGONS BREATHE FIRE, BUT THAT HEAT YOU FEEL ON YOUR FACE IS COMING FROM HER SOUTH MOUTH. YOU PUSH FORWARD, FIGHTING AGAINST THE RAGING GUSTS AS SHE BLASTS YOU WITH POWERFUL DRAGON QUEEFS. YOU FINALLY BREACH THE OPENING, ONE AGONIZING INCH AT A TIME. THE CORPSES OF COUNTLESS GOBLINS ARE SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THE CAVE, SUCKED LIFELESS IN THEIR ATTEMPTS TO SOOTHE THE RAGING BEAST. SHE LIES RESTLESSLY ATOP HER HOARD OF TREASURE - A MASSIVE PILE OF SOLID GOLD COCK RINGS AND BUTT PLUGS ADORNED WITH PRICELESS GEMS. WHEN SHE NOTICES YOU, SHE STARTS WRITHING AROUND LIKE A CAT IN HEAT. YOU PRESENT HER WITH YOUR DICK-SHAPED LANCE, STRUGGLING TO HANDLE ITS IMPRESSIVE LENGTH AND FORMIDABLE GIRTH. YOU WIND UP AND DELIVER A FLURRY OF STRIKES DIRECTLY TO HER BEAN, ALTERNATING BETWEEN DIFFERENT RHYTHMS AND INTENSITIES. SHE SHIFTS HER POSITION, OFFERING HERSELF UP TO YOUR RELENTLESS BLOWS AS YOU SPEND THE NEXT HOUR SPANKING HER SCALY HOLE. WITH A LOUD, SATISFIED ROAR, SHE FINALLY BUSTS AND UNLEASHES A WAVE OF BOILING HOT DRAGON SQUIRT. YOU'RE CARRIED DOWN THE MOUNTAIN IN A TSUNAMI OF JUICES. FROM A DISTANCE, YOU SEE ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE GATHERED, AWAITING YOUR TRIUMPHANT RETURN. YOU CAN HEAR THEM CLAPPING AND CHEERING AS YOU'RE WASHED DOWN INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TOWN SQUARE. YOU STAND PROUD AND HEROIC UNTIL YOU REALIZE YOUR ARMOR HAS MELTED OFF AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY NAKED. THE CHEERS QUICKLY FADE INTO MOCKERY AND LAUGHTER. EVERYONE HAS COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN YOUR VICTORY AND THE BARDS ARE ALREADY SINGING SONGS ABOUT YOUR RIDICULOUSLY SMALL DICK.
